I Distract Myself

But Why?

When facing something unknown of perceived consequence, I've noticed I have certain tendencies. 

I tend to start thinking about something else, even as I sense the emerging urgence of the unknown thing.  It's weird.  I'm weird — or, am I?

When I have a presentation to make or something significant I have to solve for, I will start working on it (usually well in advance).  But, then, I will feel a series of subtle internal appeals to think about other things.  Something I might really not have time for, especially in light of a deadline.

I have found that I turn to those things.  Sometimes it feels like a way for me to step back from the primary thing and then return to it with fresh eyes.  It's almost like I'm dancing with the primary thing — getting real close it and then pulling away.  Returning to it from a different point-of-view.  As the event gets closer, the intervals get shorter. Perhaps this dynamic gives me perspective.  Perhaps it provides a kind of relief from some kind of intensity that often grows within me.  Perhaps it is a release valve for a fear that often creeps into the situation about the thing, especially if there is something unknown about it or where I feel risk.

If the thing is big enough, this will get even more obvious.  I will feel urge to eat something, to watch something, or do something else altogether and, while these are often things that happen in the normal course of life anyway, something is conspicuous about why I am doing that thing...right now (I’m eating…and I just ate dinner an hour ago!).  I did this last again night….

It’s almost like I am trying to distract myself.

Distraction, for all of its liabilities, does have a certain utility; it is serving something.  In less benign situations, it often is a means of disengaging.  Usually disengaging over these kinds of things is not good, especially if engagement is either required or just plain helpful.  Distraction is such a small (but effective) technique to achieve it. So small, in fact, that we often don't even recognize that it is happening, not to mention why it is happening.

So what does disengaging serve?  I suspect it is a kind of mitigation.  A mitigation that portends to not feel something — to avoid or, more likely, relieve whatever is perceived to be at risk (even when we know it actually doesn't).  

What if the situation doesn't go well?  What if the needed conversation goes side-ways?  What if the interview goes badly?  What if the presentation doesn't resonate (or flops)?  What if the trip is a bust?  

And, how about the real questions lurking below these?  What if people don't like it?  What will that say about me?  How will they feel about me?  

That's a lot...a lot of pressure — baked-in so deep that we aren't even consciously aware of what feels at stake.

And, if something that significant is going on, no wonder something as simple as a little self-distraction feels simultaneously so inconsequential and appealing.

What to do?

The only thing you can really do is learn how to pay attention to the right things.  Learning how is acknowledging these little, big tricks we sometimes play on ourselves for what they are and for what they serve.

If we could start the whole thing from the other end — knowing what really ISN'T at stake after all — so much of the other stuff would not only be avoidable, but also unnecessary.

So, what am I really paying attention to?

In all activities, we’re practicing something. There’s some state of mind that is being practiced and cultivated. Do we stop and pay attention to what it is?

-- Joseph Goldstein